How to Recognize and Avoid Toxic Positivity
Difficult emotions and experiences are a part of life; they're part of what makes us human. While it's important to remain positive when dealing with life's disappointments and heartaches, it's equally — if not more important — to acknowledge and process our negative emotions.
When a friend or colleague faces a challenging situation, it's easy for most of us to say things like, "Just stay positive!" or "It could be worse." While it's always important to look on the brighter side of life, these false reassurances often make the affected person feel worse rather than better. That is a form of toxic positivity, and it's important to understand how to recognize the signs and what to do in such situations.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is an obsession with positivity, even during challenging or painful situations. While it may sound like good advice initially, dismissing negative emotions like frustration, sadness, and anger often does more harm than good.
In a world obsessed with false happiness, it's easy to put an unhealthy emphasis on being positive. In doing so, we use positivity as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with our emotions. Instead, we should acknowledge and process our pains and struggles and approach each situation with empathy and understanding.
Common Signs of Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity manifests in subtle ways that can sometimes be tricky to spot. So, how do you know if you're encountering toxic positivity?
Look out for these key signs:
Dismissing Negative Emotions: We're human, and it's normal and okay to feel upset, guilty, or lonely. Chiming in with "positive words," like "get over it" or "don't be sad," can often make people feel frustrated and unheard.
Pressure to Be Happy: It's important to give ourselves permission to process painful situations healthily. If you're feeling a constant and unrelenting pressure to be cheerful when you're crumbling inside, you might be suppressing genuine emotions, which can negatively affect your well-being and relationships with people around you.
Guilt for Feeling Negative: It's normal to not feel okay. No one should feel guilty for experiencing sadness, frustration, or anger. While it's important to have a positive outlook in life, judging negative emotions or having an exclusively positive attitude can make a bad day worse.
Over-simplified Solutions: Offering quick fixes, like "keep your chin up" or "be thankful," without acknowledging what someone is going through, can feel rather tone-deaf and dismissive.
Downplaying People's Problems: We've all heard phrases like "It's not that bad" or "Other people have it worse." While such encouraging statements may carry genuine good intent, they often come off as arrogant and dismissive.
Telling People to "Just Let It Go": Telling someone to "carry on with it" or "move on quickly" from a difficult and emotional experience might seem like you're trying to help, but it can often make them feel dismissed and misunderstood.
Avoiding Negative Conversations: While avoiding difficult conversations about our struggles might seem like a good coping strategy at first, it can take a mental toll on us. It's important to face challenges head-on and allow ourselves to genuinely experience all kinds of emotions.
How to Avoid Toxic Positivity
Now that we know what toxic positivity looks like, here are some ways you can avoid it:
Validate Feelings: The first step in supporting yourself or someone else is to acknowledge their feelings. Allowing yourself or others to genuinely experience and process negative emotions can help them feel valued and understood.
Acknowledge Struggles: Sometimes things don’t go as planned, and that’s perfectly okay. Acknowledging that life is tough sometimes can help you or others feel less alone.
Offer Support, Not Solutions: It’s easy to jump into “problem-solving” mode when someone around you is struggling. Instead, listen actively to what the other person has to say without interfering, and let them share their feelings without the pressure of fixing things immediately. Sometimes, people just need to feel heard.
Be Present and Compassionate: Whether you’re supporting a friend or dealing with your own emotions, it’s important to approach each situation with empathy and compassion. Instead of trying to make everything better right away, gently reassure them that it’s okay to not have all the answers.
Wrapping It Up
Toxic positivity can negatively impact our emotional balance and relationships with those close to us. Please know that it’s okay to have bad days, and it’s okay to experience and process negative emotions without fear of judgment. By validating our emotions and supporting others in doing the same, we can help create a world where everyone feels heard and supported, no matter what they’re going through.